i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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