he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
