You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
