he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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