my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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