We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
