Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
