When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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