I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
