Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
