I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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