I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
