so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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