I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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