bring money and cleavage
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
