They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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