Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
