I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
