Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
