yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
