Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
