My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
