Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
