just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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