No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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