I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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