i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have post one night stand depression
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
