my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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