you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
