i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
