life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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