Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
