No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
