i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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