Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
