Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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