Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
