I'm jealous of your bromance
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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