Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
