yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
