I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize