yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
