As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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