Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
only if we run a train.
done.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
