I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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