Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
