I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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