she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
