Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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