I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
