If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
