the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
