Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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