Nicole vs. Life
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize