she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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