i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Couch. On fire.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
