I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He passed out mid-signature
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
