Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
