I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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