I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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