he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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