you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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