Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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