he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
