there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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