rhymes with "ouble enetration"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
