Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
