You can't special order awesome
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
