I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
