I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
