i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
