So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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