so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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