just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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