I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
