I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
