how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
