I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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